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I was trimming the hair of an elderly client when he began telling me a tale of the good old days. Gritting my teeth, I smiled and continued cutting as I listened to the details of his story for at least the sixth time.

"Did you read the directions?" I asked my husband, as he prepared to begin a repair project. "No, but I’ve done this before", was his reply. Hours later when he became frustrated that the repair attempt failed, I glanced briefly toward the instruction sheet….and then silently walked away.

The voice on the phone rambled as my offer of a listening ear slowly morphed into having to hear complaints about people I knew. Knowing anything I said may at some point be repeated, I let my friend exhaust herself and then simply offered to pray.

I am sure you can imagine how each of these scenarios had me chomping at the bit to let the words fly! Whether it is irritation, wanting to say "I told you so" or getting caught up in gossip, there are always numerous reasons to keep my mouth shut! The words we choose, as well as the inflection behind them can wreak havoc in our relationships before we are even aware of the danger.

The Bible says in Proverbs 18:21 that "Death and life are in the power of the tongue." Speaking negatively towards someone can surely bring death. Death of trust, death self-esteem, even death of a relationship. Remember the old saying, "If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all"? I hated hearing it as a kid, but there is so much wisdom in that cautionary phrase.

I could have interrupted my client, reminding him that he had already told me that story several times. But I know then that I would have seen hurt and disappointment in his eyes. And there is the possibility that he would never again share his wonderful memories with such an unappreciative audience as myself.

Rubbing in my husband’s face the fact that he had refused to read the directions would have only served to make him feel small. It would have been almost as if I was to say, "I knew you were too dumb to figure it out on your own." As a result, he would be faced with feelings of inadequacy because of my reaction.

Had I been drawn in to my friend’s complaints, it would have been far too easy to jump in with my two cents about the person she was dealing with. But all it takes is one derogatory comment to get back to that individual, and I have not only wounded another human being, but also lost the respect of the friend I had "confided in".

We read in scripture about how devastating words can be.

Psalm 57:4 "I am in the midst of lions; I lie among ravenous beasts; men whose teeth are spears and arrows, whose tongues are sharp swords."

James 1:26 "If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless."

James 3:5 "Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark."

James 3:8 "…but no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison."

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Depressing, isn’t it? How can we possibly get through life without having to keep duct tape over our mouths? Again, the answers lie in God’s Word. These passages demonstrate not only the negative effects of not holding our tongues, but also the rewards that come from implementing that discipline.

1 Peter 3:10 "Whoever would love life and see good days must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from deceitful speech."

Proverbs 10:19 "When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise."

Proverbs 11:12 "A man who lacks judgment derides his neighbor, but a man of understanding holds his tongue."

Proverbs 12:18 "Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing."

Proverbs 15:4 "The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life, but a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit."

Proverbs 17:28 "Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue."

Proverbs 21:23 "He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity."

As for me, I would like to know that my words bring healing, reap wisdom and provide protection. Taking it a step further, remember that words chosen wisely also bring life to the hearer and glory to the Lord!

Psalm 34:1 "I will extol the LORD at all times; his praise will always be on my lips."

Psalm 63:3 "Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you."

Let us commit to speaking words that will uplift rather than tear down. May our prayer always be, "Set a guard over my mouth, O LORD; keep watch over the door of my lips." Psalm 141:3

Copyright L. Joy Douglas